These were the words that would haunt me for days. STOP what you are doing and listen to yourself say this next statement. MY SELF-IMAGE IS IMPORTANT TO MY DAUGHTER. Think about that.
Suddenly, everything I had ever said about myself was brought to the forefront. "I hate myself without make-up." "I feel ugly." "I wish I was pretty." "Why can't I have that kind of natural-born beauty?" When my 8-year-old said these words to me, "I look like you with no make-up", I was left speechless, immediately thinking of all those times I had said negative things about myself in front of her. What kind of mother am I?
Of course, I think my daughter is the most beautiful 8-year-old in the world, but how can she feel "acceptable" if she hears the negativity in my words? Since she looks like me, she thinks I have those same thoughts of her, right? Heartbreak. How could I, the person she looks to most for guidance, plant that self image in her head? How could I, the person who loves her more than life, make her think she needs more than her cute little nose and big brown eyes to be acceptable?
In what seemed like hours, those few moments of clarity after her statement made me see things in a different light. God must have been with me because I was so broken from how I had failed her that I had no words at first. I showered her with all the words I had never believed of myself before. I DO think she is beautiful, but why do I see myself as down-right hideous? I began by saying, "That is the best thing anyone has EVER said to me!" "Thank you for that, Emma, because I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world!" I continued by saying, "You don't need make-up! You are beautiful just the way God made you!" I spit out all the positive compliments that I truly believe of her and saw her face light up like the sun. Kids take in more than they admit. My words might not have affected her the way the pain of my realization had, but nonetheless... I have a job to do.
I need to focus on the good about me. I am not hideous. I do not need to look like Angelina or sing like Susan Boyle. I need to be a better mama and feel "acceptable" and confident. I need to give my daughters that confidence and POSITIVE self-image by saying good things about myself. Otherwise, they will feel like their flaws make them "unacceptable". She will remember the times I slept in the fort with her, played barbies or danced like crazy people in our living room. She will not remember the fact that most of those days, I had no make-up and crazy bed-head.
So, with this new epiphany, I vow to be better to myself and in turn, teach my children to love themselves the way I love them, the way God loves them. No more self-slandering! I LOVE ME!
